So Precious

  I sat for 2 hours straight with Adam sleeping on me today.  Just one of many stints where he slept on me really, but it just makes me take a minute and appreciate how my life has changed in the last month.  Adam is so precious and he is everything that I thought he would be.  He is so sweet and so wonderful.  I think he was the baby we were meant to have.  This particular boy was meant to be in our lives after all that we went through to welcome him into our lives.  The journey was not exactly anything to do with being "worth it" as I hold every event separate rather than being a culmination.  The whole process or journey is ongoing in the roller coaster that is my life.  I know it is a continuum and the ultimate ending is the end of my life.  I want to spend my life having as much happiness as I have when holding my baby while he is alertly awake just staring around and making oh shapes with his lips.

  I am beside myself happy with my baby.  I know there will be days that I do not like my baby, like when he's inconsolable and I have had only 2 hours of sleep in 2 days or when he is a teenager and he accidentally stays out past curfew driving to Green Bay with his girlfriend and denting the car without telling me, but I will always love him.  He has this purity in his eyes like his dad does.  I hope his life takes the lucky path that Tony's does, except better.  He can be whatever he wants in life and I will have to accept that.

  He already has a mind of his own and I respect that.  The wonder in his eyes and his heart.  I want to foster his imagination and nurture his successes and confidence.  I want to see him through failure and mistakes to pick himself back up and learn from them, move forward.  I can only do the best with what I have and I will instill in him that no one is perfect, life is not perfect, but life and love can still be good.  Sacrifices for our children, they will never appreciate or understand.  They are not debts to be paid in the future by the child.  They are something you do expecting nothing in return.  Love and respect is earned, not a given.

  His cooing, his crying, anything that give him a voice is music to my ears.  I have waited a long time to hear anything he has to say.  I cannot wait until he can tell stories and say my name.  Duty calls right now...