No Sleep

  I have gotten 3.5 non-consecutive hours of sleep in the last 24 hours.  So tired. The poor guy has been developing hives on his head and face the last few days. Unsure if its food I'm eating, detergent, change in temperature or some unknown cause.  Hope I can figure it out to spare him the itching and swelling.  I do not want him to develop a more serious reaction with further exposure.

  I need to shower and to bath him again.  I am just trying to sleep when he sleeps, but he wakes to get changed then wakes to eat and they are not at the same time.  It is good he's gaining weight and needing frequent diaper changes, but it makes sleep more elusive.  Especially at night.  He is wide awake at night for some reason.  It is disconcerting and I want to hold him and play with him when awake, but I'm so tired.  I feel sad because I am missing out on him growing and playing with him because I'm so tired.  He's already getting bigger.  I weighed him 2 days ago at 10.8 lbs.  His next doctor visit is next week and he'll be one month old already!!!

  How long does this eating every 1.5-3 hours last?  I hope not forever.  The dental society Christmas party is on this Friday and I don't know if I'll be awake enough to go.  I want to go and share this happy baby with pictures, but I also want to sleep and eat.  I also want to be there for him when he needs to eat.  I do not want to expose him to many people right now either.  He does not need to get sick.  Eventually I know he'll get a cold or something else, but he has enough on his plate right now.

  He blows air or raspberries when he's falling asleep or is dreaming or waking up.  He's so funny that way.  He smiles with his eyes closed after eating or while sleeping sometimes.  He is good at tummy time, but cries because he wants to be held rather than hold his head up and see just his immediate surroundings rather than walking around.

  I am sending out Christmas cards with his picture for an announcement rather than sending out two cards. I have to do that sometime, but I do not know when that will be possible.  In the middle of the night I have no energy and during the day I am trying to sleep or get something done, like the laundry or eating.  I am so thankful for Tony.  He's been making the food and allowing me to sleep when he gets home from work.  He's a pro at changing diapers.  We miss each other though with the lack of time we get to spend together.  He's taking all the stress of working, not sleeping because he hears every time Adam wakes and screams, cooking, running errands, changing diapers while I sleep, take out the trash, etc.  He's very helpful, but I feel bad I cannot do more to help him and to spend more time with him.  We have not slept in the same room, but once in about 3 months.    Being married usually means you get to be together, but this is not the funnest.  I would love to think we can get Adam on a schedule, but that seems to be more in the future than any time soon.  I hear it can be 6-8 weeks before he sleeps longer at night.

 On a good note my blood pressure is in a normal range.  Not normal for me yet, but it is going in the right direction.  I am getting headaches daily and that is a side effect of the medicine I am taking.  It could be worse, but I hope my blood pressure stays equalized once I am off of the medicine.  I would be very upset if it rises again.  I am hopeful that will not be a problem.  People are already asking me when we will have our next baby.  I need a couple of years to recover from this one and the prospect of being older and having this potentially happen again is scary to me.  I think I'm going to enjoy this time and think about having a second baby in the future, not now.  This precious boy gets all of my attention.

Rough Night

  What a LONG night.  Adam ate and needed a diaper change, or two, every hour from 4 PM-5 AM last night.  I need to convert him to be a daytime baby instead of a nocturnal baby.  I tried to keep him up, but he's sleeping right now.  He likes to sleep after every time he eats is the problem, then he's up all night.  Ugh.  I read I may be dehydrated and not drinking enough and that is why he wants to eat so frequently.  Also, he is such a big boy, I may not be keeping up with is needs so I am working on that too.

  He likes his McLaren lounge chair with vibration option.  He is not sure about the swing yet.  He definitely did well with Baby Beethoven today.  Good times.  The pack-n-play height for regular diaper changes is extra straining on my back.  So painful.  On top of pulling a muscle beneath my right shoulder blade, I really need to find another way of changing diapers.  I am loving the cloth diapers, but they do require more frequent changes as they get soaked and the baby instantly feels the wetness.  This in contrast to the super absorbent disposable kinds that wick the moisture away and they baby can sit in their wetness for many hours possibly before saturation occurs.  I would rather change him than let him sit in it to try and heal the diaper rash anyway.

  We put up the Christmas tree today.  Different ornaments this year and we already have a picture ornament with Adam inside.  Love the feeling of bulbs that I cannot break if I drop them.  The new camera is also great in low light.  I have to say the camera has surpassed my expectations.  Love to use this camera over any other.  The camera will come in handy for Christmas too.  Our little bundle boy is just going to be the best present with a bow on his head.  I cannot wait.  I have a feeling this will be the Christmas of Adam and not the parents so much.  Fun.

  I am ready for sleep, but he will eat in an hour so I will wait for him and see if I can sleep after that for a couple of hours.  I hope this phase goes quickly and will not last for months.  I would take even 4 hours at a time, let alone 5 hours.  Watching SNL in the meantime.  It is a re-run, but still tremendously funny.  I love Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg together.  They are hilarious.  Oh poor crying baby.  I hope the rash clears up soon.

Long Night Last Night

  I ended up giving Adam Gripe water last night and using Mother Love's cream.  It was a rough night for the poor, inconsolable guy.  I hope we do not have a repeat tonight, though I know there will be nights like that in the future.  Tony is a miracle worker and really did his daddy duty last night.  We love him.  It is wonderful to have a partner to help with the parenting of Adam.  I cannot imagine going through this experience without him.  I do not know how anyone would get anything done in the first weeks.  Wow.

  The Medela pump is worth every penny.  I got the backpack variety and think that it is great.  Love it.  I think diaper rash is the work of the devil to torture babies and parents.  It is clearing up, slowly, but I hope little Adam will get along much better without it.  He got his first bath today.  So much screaming, but so clean afterwards.  He is so cute with that wet hair and combing it afterward is the best.

  He's lightly sleeping right now, periodically blowing out or doing raspberries.  He's so expressive.  I'm watching White Christmas in the background and Tony went to get some leftover Thanksgiving food for me.  I hope he has pie.  I have gotten little done in the last week.  I am working on laundry right now.  This experience is definitely not what I thought it would be.  I also found out that snaps are for the birds.  They take way too long to dress him.  He has no patience for that.  He wants to be dressed and done with it already.

  I still have hives on my hands and forearms.  They are raised, but not itchy like they were.  They are drying out.  Wish I could have taken antihistamines for longer, but they messed me up enough.  I look back at the problems I started to have and they stemmed from the night I "took off" to sleep and then taking the antihistamines.  I am trying the Fenugreek Mother's Milk tea, but am unsure when I would see results if it is going to work.  I am so stiff from sitting and sleeping all the time.  I want to stretch and exercise, but no dice for a few weeks.  I can feel the weakness in my abdominal muscles and I must wait.  I can stretch though.  I just have to do that instead of sleep and that is not as appealing.

  Time for transferring all the video and pictures to the hard drive to save.  Adam is such a fun fellow.  I hope that I take enough pictures to look back on when he was little bitty and appreciate it because time is flying right now.  He is already growing.  Amazing.  I love cloth diapering.  So much easier and fun that they will grow with him.  Fly by the seat of our pants leaning all this taking care of a newborn stuff.  Will we have a Christmas tree this year?  Maybe tomorrow.  We'll see.

After his bath roday.  Mohawk love

Thanksgiving

  I still have hives on the backs of my hands, right thigh, chest and calves.  I do not know when they will go away as I will not take any more antihistamines.  I have no appetite. I have a grumbly stomach, but I am more tired than hungry.  I force food, but it is the opposite than when I was pregnant.  My blood pressure is improving happily.   I am trying the Milk Maid tea with Fenugreek in it to help me along with feeding Adam.

  Adam eats every 1-2.5 hours during the day and had a hard time going to sleep last night at 2 AM. He did finally sleep for 4 hrs and then 3 hrs so I could sleep too this morning.  We did get to see some of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.  We watched some of the Dog Show afterwards, 17 Again, then Tony started watching the Season 3 Star Wars animated episodes.  Adam is wearing his Yoda, "Hungry, I am" onesie.

  I have made no preparation to bring anything to Thanksgiving.  If it were up to me I would have made TV dinners and had a pie.  I am not really excited to have my baby fresh out of the NICU around a bunch of people.  He still has enough to deal with rather than getting another illness on top of it.  I do not think it's too much to ask to have people wash their hands to hold the baby for now.  I just want to take care of him, diaper changes and life are hard enough without dealing with more medicines and discomfort from a disease.  I missed seeing the traditional football with my dad, but he gave me the highlights.  I miss traditional family Thanksgiving.

  When we were little Thanksgiving was a lot of food and good eating.  There was always tension in the air between my parents, but we typically had neighbors or someone else present for us all to be on our best behavior and to eat the bounty so there was not so much leftovers.  I like the spiral noodle salad that was good for days later.  Delicious.  Cannot have the garlic these days, but it sounds good.  I hope they have pie as Tony did not pick one up.  I want to come back and relax some before the night routine begins or I run out of diapers.  He spit up on me, but not on his onesie so people can see him in it before it gets dirty as well.  Time to pack the diaper bag to go.  Lots of prep work to make it out the door these days.  Rather be safe with extra diapers than sorry!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Time Flies, Sweet Boy

  I was feeling better, though my swelling nor blood pressure had gone down much. Then I had hives and angioedema as I'm allergic to one or both of the medications I was taking. The problem is that I was taking so many new meds that I didn't know which one was the culprit and I went off all of them and was given a different medicine to take. My blood pressure was not improving and they switched making it another 3-5 days for it to start working. After 4 days the medicine is kicking in and my blood pressure is down considerably. Not into "normal" range yet, but out of the danger zone anyway. My headaches and heart feel better everyday. More sleep as he gets bigger and sleeps more will help me too.

  The baby now has wicked diaper rash from the antibiotics which makes changing, etc. painful for him. Poor thing. The last hurdle for healing was evaluated at the doctor's today. He's stuffy for breathing, but nothing like when he had full blown pneumonia. He just needs a humidifier for his sinuses.  He gained weight and looks good. Happy to be home now and will try to get on a schedule before Tony has to go back to work full time. He works today, but will be off until next Tuesday after that. Happy to have a few days with his help at home before I have to do it all by myself. I'm happy to be home safely. Tony and I are exhausted, but really excited to have him home. What a sweet boy he is. Such a tough trooper. 


  We have went to the in-laws for dinner the last 2 nights.  I just have no appetite.  I force myself to eat when my stomach gets grumbly, but I have no desire to just eat.  I know I have to eat in order to feed Adam.  We celebrated my birthday last night with tomato soup and grilled cheese dinner.  Robin made baked Alaska for me, delicious.  The raspberry sorbet was the best.  I got a mini steamer, wool jacket, alpaca socks, baby picture insert drink coasters, some cash and the cleaning solution for the cleaner.  Feels weird to be in the upper box of the 30's now.  I do not feel that old, but I can see time lines on my face and hands.  Amazing how time flies.  I am so thankful for my baby.  I had moments that I feared for both of our lives and I thought of what would happen if I lost him.  I did not want to consider that kind of devastation.  Adam's doctor today said stress and the blood pressure are surely related.  She said sleep and relaxation would be key to kicking the hypertension on top of the medications.  He is 15 days old already.  I did not get to do any of the pictures or spend the quality time that I had planned on with him.  It's been all nurses and doctors.  Oh, he cries again for the diaper to be changed.  Oh the laundry, amazing.  Have a great Thanksgiving.

Complications

  Adam weighs 9 lb 6 oz and only has his monitor electrodes and his PICC IV line now.  He's looking better and more alert every day.  We are hoping to be home on Monday, but if he needs to stay we may be here for Thanksgiving.  We'll see.

  On a different note, I have pitted edema and when (upon Tony's dad's suggestion) we took my blood pressure I was having a hypertensive crisis today.   My blood pressure was 191/101 at it's highest. I ended up in the emergency room.  They gave me IV meds and a prescription to fill tomorrow.  I am going to need full leg length pressure socks I am to get tomorrow.  I have to stay off my feet and will be on the meds hopefully only 2 weeks.  I had  severe headaches the last 2 days and didn't realize they were blood pressure related.  I also have a end of exhalation wheeze that was causing me to snore which I've never had before.  I am feeling better now, though my swelling has not gone down.  I am hopeful I can still feed while on the meds. I will be losing a lot of fluid.  I really cannot take any more complications.  I am hoping for a smooth transition to going home. 

  Adam calls, he's hungry.  Then I get to sleep a couple of hours.

So Much Has Happened

  My baby was born 11-8-11 at 9:44 AM at 20.5 inches long, 8 lb. 15 oz via C-section.  He is SO sweet and cute.  We are SO in love with him!

  Labor was unexpected and did not turn out they way it should have or expectedly.  My water broke at 7:30 PM on 11-7-11.  It is likely I had a slow leak, but that was the biggest gush I had.  My contractions started at 9:30 PM and progressed all night until unbearable and ~5 minutes a part by 4 AM I signed in at the hospital.  By 9:30 AM we began talking about a change in birth plan.  I ended up with signs of infection, an irregular labor pattern, the baby changing positions and getting stuck on my bones, the baby ended up in distress with cord compression from certain positions, dilation did not progress passed 3 cm.  I was in so much pain and so feverish that I did not really have time to contemplate the C-section I had to experience.

  It took 5 injection sites of local anesthetic before they found the spot to put the epidural.  They had the baby out within 4 minutes of the epidural going into place.  I was very nauseated and they gave me some great meds that prevented me from getting sick.  I had too low of blood pressure and they corrected that as well.  I had muscles spasms in my neck and shoulders during the C-section as a result from the pain and position I was in during the contractions that did not have a break in between them.  It was constant contractions that did not give me a break at the end.

  The baby did not scream right away and when he did it was weak and clouded.  He had aspirated amniotic fluid that turned out to be infected.  I was having chills and hot flashes during labor and that was a sign of infection.  As soon as they removed the baby, the placenta and the bag of waters, the source of the infection for me was removed and I no longer had infection or need of antibiotics anymore.  The poor baby, however, had aspirated fluid that was infected.  The chest x-ray revealed lots of fluid in his lungs.  They decided to wait 24 hours to take further bloodwork to see if the infection and fluid clears or if he needed to go to the NICU for treatment.

  He was a champ at nursing, but he was not getting anything yet so he was dehydrated, hungry and frustrated.  He is such a sweet and cooperative baby.  He did not open his eyes much as he was tired and fighting infection.  His bloodwork revealed an elevated CRP level and high white blood cell count.  This is when the snow was falling and some places between Hancock and Marquette MI got from 6-13 inches of snow.  The NICU team were dispatched, but in the time that it took for them to arrive in Hancock from Marquette another baby was born that was sicker than our baby.  The team then took that baby, who was tachycardic and had infection also, to the NICU.  Our baby had an IV placed, but it was not in the vessel and the antibiotics and fluid just built up into his leg instead of going into his blood stream.  He got infiltrate in his ankle and calf and it made the area really swollen and white.  It was preventing blood flow and oxygenation of that area.  They finally removed the bad IV and started on on his forearm.

  The poor guy also had to be on oxygen as he had labored and shallow breathing because of all the fluid in his lungs.  He would sneeze and yellow infected mucus would come out of his nose.  He then started looking more and more jaundiced over time as well.  Over the 3 more hours that another NICU team was dispatched from Marquette, they put a heat pack on his ankle and the area finally pinked up as his blood flow improved.  That leg then became 2 times the size of the other leg from the fluid trying to disperse.  He is such a trooper.

  He has lots of hair and is very handsome.  He loves to be held by mom and dad and seems to recognize us.  The poor thing did not have a name until right before they came to take him away.  We quickly decided between the 3 names we were hemming and hawing over.  Adam Michael Sarazin it is.  I was beside myself with grief and worry at the thought of my sick baby, not being able to go with him as he left in the ambulance and at the unknown if he will get better or not.  This did not help my massing swelling in my hands, calves, thighs, whole body really.  My incision site hurts and any engaging of the abdominal muscles is just painful.  The contracting of the uterus is crampy and aching as well.  My low back hurt from the muscles and the multiple injections that they administered.  The hardest part was getting in and out of bed.  The transfer of my legs took the most abdominal effort.  I can walk slowly.

  The trip to Marquette, usually 2 hours, took the ambulance 3 hours to get to Hancock because of the blowing heavy snow.  It took 1 hour to get from Marquette to Ishpeming on their way there.  It took almost that long to go back to Marquette.  I was glad they came and made it safely.  I had to wait to be discharged the next day.  I talked to my sister until 1:30 AM and finally succumbed to the exhaustion and slept until 7:30 AM.  I was falling asleep pumping the night before.  I pumped again in the morning and achieved 1.5 ml of fluid.  Meager, but a start.  I showered for the first time in 3 days, packed up my bags after eating breakfast and they agreed to discharge me early.  I was so excited to go to be with my family.  I missed my baby so much.  I could still feel his head resting in the crook of my elbow.

  My mother-in-law came to pick me up and while she and Rejean (Nikki's husband) loaded up all of my bags and gifts Re dropped one bag and shattered a picture frame gift that came from his step mother-in-law.  We went quickly back to my house to get clothes, cloth diapers and necessities.  We were on our way by after 111:30 AM.  We made it to Marquette on pretty clear, slightly rutty roads without any blowing snow or rain.  I was so swollen and tired, but so excited when I got there.  She wheeled me around to find the place of the NICU.  I arrived just in time to see my baby for 5 minutes before they kicked us out for master rounds.  He took my milk and they decided to supplement for him as he is starving and dehydrated.

  We went to eat lunch (at 3 PM) at the cafeteria.  We made it back a little after 4 and I was able to hold him.  I held him on and off while we changed his diaper, checked his vitals and we got to bath him.  He is so precious.  He is also very sore from being a constant pin cushion.  He is such a trooper.  I hope he hangs in there.  He would not latch on after the supplemental feeding, but I am optimistic that he will today.  It must be difficult with a feeding tube in your mouth and down your throat.

  I did not get to pump as Tony was exhausted and went back to the Beacon house early.  I called Erika and she picked me up and took me back to the house.  She was teary dropping me off and I really appreciated seeing her.  We finally go some alone time and Tony got to change from the same clothes he wore for 3 days.  He got to shower and went right to sleep.  I slept for 3 hours then 4 hours as the next door little boy kept waking up and crying.  The parents were yelling and swearing at the poor guy.

  My milk is coming in.  My breasts are hard and sore.  I need to get to my baby!  I miss him so much.  When I look at his face I feel I've known him for a long time.  I have deja vu like I've met him before.  He is so precious.  I had no idea I could love so much so fast.  He is just meant to be, the light of my life.  Wow, I miss him so much.  I plan to spend the whole day just loving on him and thinking about him.  I want some kangaroo time today.  I have now woken Tony and we can get ready to go see our baby.

  I am grateful for the Beacon house and for the Marquette NICU.  Please, baby Adam, get better my sweet.  I hope there is better news today.  I took my pain meds and ate a cookie so I won't get sick on an empty stomach.  Updates to follow.

Adam, poor thing looks so jaundiced, he gets a blue bili blanket

Moving and Shaking

  Oh man, this baby is going crazy right now.  Moving all over the place right now, why is it that the baby will just not come out and play outside already?  I went for an hour walk today and still nothing doing.  I have an appointment in the morning to get checked again and my feeling is I am going to have no success again.  I would love to go in and be ready to go.  Man, I hope I can sleep tonight.

  I played Scrabble today for the first time in months and frittered away the gorgeous day inside.  This fantastic warm day with a warm breeze that blew away some more of those remaining Fall leaves.  I love the large moon and the potential for moon induced pressure changes.  I am watching Crazy, Stupid, Love right now and am laughing along with Ryan Gosling and Steve Carrell.  I love Emma Stone's humor as well.  The craziness of how true this movie is makes for a good time.  I watched Season of the Witch with Nick Cage earlier today and it was better than I thought it would be.  A possession of the devil rather than a witch during the time of plague.  Hereafter was so slow to develop that I could not continue watching it and had Tony return it before I got 40 minutes into the movie.  Painful.

Full Moon with fast moving clouds with the wind

Gorgeous Day, Going Out to Enjoy

  I love hearing from empathetic people who can relate to what I am feeling right now.  I am playing the waiting game and hoping for the best.  I miss hanging out with my friends at State Wide Real Estate.  It is a pleasure to hear from you and how much you care.  I promise to keep everyone posted as to when the baby comes.  I have had so much contact from those that care, it really feels good that people want the best for me and our family.  So excited to share with everyone.

  We are going to the property today to be out of cell phone range to see if we can spark today to be his birthday.  That would be fun.  I want to enjoy the warm and sunny day.  I want to take a walk, stretch and hang out.  I feel this will help the numbness and swelling.  I hope to take my mind off of it and to let nature take it's course, whenever the baby decides that will be.  I look forward to a walk on the beach.  Possibly my last of the Fall or this year.

  I want banana bread.  I think I will get some before we head out.  That can be lunch. Mmm...

Dr Appt Today

  Today's appointment was not very informative.  The ultrasound demonstrated how cramped the accommodations are inside for the baby these days, but I could not tell how much amnio fluid is present.  The baby's head looked big to me.  The baby's hand was near his face and he is in a favorable facing position.  So big!  I did not ask them to measure the size of the baby's head.  I did not think of it at the time, now I am interested.  I want to know if they take that into consideration, if the head size is too big to pass through the birth canal whether they recommend a C-section or not.

  They did not check dilation, but the non-stress test demonstrated that the baby's heart rate and movements are very good.  Murphy's Law, I was not contracting when on the monitor today.  They sent me home saying come back on Monday or whenever I go into labor before then.  It really does not feel like this baby is coming today.  It might just hit me like a ton of bricks all of a sudden.  I cannot imagine.  This baby seems way too happy to just hang out in the happy, warm, nourished environment that he is enjoying.  The snow is coming next week, it would be nice to have this baby before then so I can already be back at home.  Nikki is scheduled for her C-section on Tuesday.  There is a chance she will have her baby first.  I would never have believed that to be true when I got pregnant.

  Tony went to get dinner.  He is going to call when he gets to where he is getting dinner to ask me what I want.  He will not make it back before dark as sun sets at 6:30 PM.  It is definitely colder outside than the temperature indicates.  I did not go for my walk today.  This weekend is supposed to be so nice, I know I will get my opportunity.  I do not know if walking actually helps, but my outside walking days are limited and I enjoy the sun and smells of outside.  OK, breadsticks are on their way.  Mmmm...  Another pink sunset.  I love it.

  The movie Priest was unexpected.  It had monster non-human looking vampires where "priests" are the ones who exterminate the people killing vampires.  Lots of stars in this movie cannot make up for the poor choices of script language, music choices and plot tempo.  Overall the movie had good effects and I liked their casting choices.  I missed the ending, but I got to talk to my dad and sister.  Now watching, "Waiting for Superman." I knew it would be worthwhile to watch.  Shocking why the schools are so messed up.  I am having contractions, but no pains.  Ugh.

Due Date Has Arrived

  Oh, the special torture of a date that we have been waiting for.  Ten months in the making and the big anti-climatic arrival of that day.  All these "practice" labor contractions, sometimes I feel that I missed my window of opportunity for natural labor to happen.  Not excited at the prospect of my labor not starting on its own.  I was given the Bishop's scale on my last appointment and I would be guaranteed a long labor and  a C-section.  I am so open to the possibilities now, even if it is just to alleviate poor Tony's anxiety about the baby and everything to do with the birth.

View out of my living room window

  Such good contractions until 2 A.M. last night/this morning.  Now, just abdominal cramping and lower back pain.  I am so swollen my hands and lower legs are numb/tingling.  I do not know what walking will accomplish as I already walked this morning, but my walk yesterday for almost 40 minutes I will repeat today as it is so nice out.  I know the snow and cold are coming soon enough.  I must enjoy while I have the "freedom" and time.  I love the feeling of exercising though.  It's just awkward right now.  I feel stretching is ineffective because I cannot move very easily, but I go through the motions so I can try to relax those hips that need to expand.  Ugh.

Oh Boy

  Ya, baby boy did not come today.  I have hopes that tomorrow will be a good day as that is my due date and Taylor's 18th birthday.  So wish I could be at her birthday tomorrow.  She is so grown up.  Shocking to me that she is 18 and going to be on her own.  I wish she will learn from other's mistakes and not have to learn everything the hard way.  I know this is ambitious and I surely did not do this, but I can be optimistic for her.  I wish I could help her with her college personal statement.  I know mine did not rock and I could help her as to what not to do anyway.  Though, I still got in and went all the way in school.  I miss undergrad school.  Oh so fun.  I did not take full advantage, but she sure could.  I would love to encourage all the shenanigans that I should have done in school.  I kept to myself and did the secluded hood.  I never took a proper Spring Break, had 3 jobs and studied every holiday.

  Despite that, undergrad was so fun for freedom, traveling and meeting many different types of people.  Undergrad prepares you for learning outside the box and not the material.  You just have to regurgitate the info. that the professor wants to get by instead of learning life skills and information that you will actually use in day to day life of an occupation.  Interesting that the well rounded, intelligent college grad. is just getting started in the world.  They do not teach business and communication to everyone like they should because they only care about getting your money and not what you actually learn.  Oh, the college experience.

  I miss going to campus at the University of Arizona to hang out on the mall, sleeping in various study rooms or at the back of the library, getting Chinese food or smoothies on campus or going to a study group to hammer out the details after I have done the heavy lifting of research.  The campus I used to frequent from 6 AM until the wee hours of the morning sometimes.  Listening to sports events and watching games when we became national champions my junior year.  Basketball and football rocked when I was in school.  I just loved the McKale center and my friends that were supportive and crazy honest with me.  They took care of me and would go clubbing whenever we felt like hanging out.

  Free movies and unlimited study time with movies playing in the background.  Hot nights and playing softball to blow off steam.  These are the times of my life.  The smell of the dirt and grass.  The free drinks guys would buy for me.  Dancing until I was sweating.  Running at the rec. center at 5 AM. Oh, the free activities were so worth it.  Endless possibilities.  Classes and information I did not even think I would find interesting.  I wish the enlightenment, awkwardness, exploration, loneliness, camaraderie, and happiness of accomplishment that the University has to offer.  Delightful.

  A whole bunch of nothing today.  Ebay success and returning books that I borrowed long ago.  I should never borrow books or movies as they do not get returned promptly.  Praying for a baby birthday tomorrow.  Smooth and successful labor for a happy ending is my hope.  Oh, boy. Good times, good times.

Oh, C'mon Now

  Today would have been a good day to have a baby. I guess tomorrow will be a good day too.  The doctor tried to help me out at my appt. yesterday, but no dice so far.  The "help" would occur 36-48 hrs after and that ends tomorrow at 10 AM.  Will my baby and my brain take advantage of this help?  I do not know.  I am so swollen.  I walked for 40 minutes today.  It was 56 degrees out and the sun shined through during my walk.  Gorgeous and nice.  No more contractions from that.  I had good contractions this morning that got to 10 minutes a part and did not progress.  I was exhausted because I did not sleep last night because of abdominal and back cramping.

  I watched Thor and as much as the hype of eye candy for the main character, there was only one shirtless scene and I was not that impressed.  He is only good if you like that Greek-god complex guys.  I do not go for meat-heads and when men are too muscly for me, I do not go for it as much as toned.  The plot was ok, but I would not be interested in a sequel.  I am just not a Natalie Portman fan.  She cannot pass for an intelligent scientist and still looks like a teenager.  She is not a good actress and had no chemistry with her co-star.  He also played aloof and self-centered.  He seemed not to be able to act well either.  The special effects were fair enough.

  I have been so unmotivated, I had clean laundry sit in the dryer for 5 days.  (Stupid fruit flies buzzing around my face.  Where do they come from and why can I not get them to go away permanently?) I am finally doing more laundry in the hopes I will not want to do laundry for a while.  Everything I cleaned in preparation are getting dirty again.  It is time to clean the floors again, counter tops, etc.  Only now, I feel I do not have the energy nor desire to re-do the thorough cleaning again.  I did buy frozen lasagna and meals for Tony despite his trepidation about them.  I know they are a good idea.  Life is easier with less cooking to do and less dishes to clean.  I wish my sister was here.

  I watched Glee, Clone Wars season 3, a Lifetime movie, The New Girl double screened until Body of Proof and Parenthood are going to be on in 20 minutes.  I know the secret will be exercise after the baby is born and I can go out and about again.  It is hard just sitting here and waiting.  I am glad the weather has been nice so I can go for my walks.  Wacca wacca wacca.  My sleep schedule is so off, I will be glad when a newborn dictates my sleep schedule.  No problem.  Days and nights will blur and my sense of reality will change.  Ah, the sign of change.  One that you cannot prepare for until it hits you.  SO glad we did not get Snowtober like the Nor'easter that came through New England with lots of snow and power outages!  Glad the weather stayed nice for me to bring my baby home in.  Sweet.

40 weeks tomorrow

How my baby is growing:

  It's hard to say for sure how big your baby will be, but the average newborn weighs about 7 1/2 pounds (a small pumpkin) and is about 20 inches long. His skull bones are not yet fused, which allows them to overlap a bit if it's a snug fit through the birth canal during labor. This so-called "molding" is the reason your baby's noggin may look a little conehead-ish after birth. Rest assured — it's normal and temporary.


How my life is changing:

After months of anticipation, your due date rolls around, and... you're still pregnant. It's a frustrating, but common, situation in which to find yourself. You may not be as late as you think, especially if you're relying solely on a due date calculated from the day of your last period because sometimes women ovulate later than expected. Even with reliable dating, some women have prolonged pregnancies for no apparent reason.

You still have a couple of weeks before you'll be considered "post-term." But to be sure your baby is still thriving, your practitioner will schedule you for testing to keep an eye on her if your pregnancy continues.

You may have a biophysical profile (BPP), which consists of an ultrasound to look at your baby's overall movements, breathing movements (movement of her chest muscles and diaphragm), and muscle tone (whether she opens and closes her hand or extends and then flexes her limbs), as well as the amount of amniotic fluid that surrounds her (important because it's a reflection of how well the placenta is supporting your baby).

Fetal heart rate monitoring (called a nonstress test or NST) will generally be done as well — by itself or as part of the BPP. Or, you may have what's known as a modified BPP, which consists of an NST and an ultrasound to assess the amount of amniotic fluid.

If the fetal testing isn't reassuring — the amniotic fluid level is too low, for example — you'll be induced. If there's a serious, urgent problem, you may have an immediate c-section.

Your practitioner will also check your cervix to see if it's "ripening." Its position, how soft it is, how effaced (thinned out) it is, and how dilated (open) it is can all affect when and how your labor is induced. If you don't go into labor on your own, you'll be induced, usually sometime between 41 and 42 weeks.

Q1.

What does it mean to induce labor?

If your labor doesn't start on its own, your practitioner can use certain medications and techniques to help bring on or "induce" contractions. She'll do this when the risks of prolonging your pregnancy are higher than the risks of induction. Most practitioners will induce labor if you're still pregnant between one and two weeks after your due date. This is because the placenta may become less effective at delivering nutrients at around 42 weeks, and other serious complications become more likely as you pass your due date.

Q2.

How is labor induced?

There are a variety of methods, and the one your practitioner uses will depend on your individual situation — in part, on the condition of your cervix (whether it's ripe or not) and the urgency of the induction.

Typically, if you need to be induced but your cervix is not yet dilated or thinned out, you'll be admitted to the hospital and your caregiver will likely start off the induction by inserting medication that contains prostaglandins into your vagina. This medication helps to ripen the cervix and may also stimulate enough contractions to start your labor.

If the prostaglandins don't put you into labor, your caregiver will then administer a drug called Pitocin (also known as oxytocin). It's given through an IV and used to start labor or augment contractions you've been having on your own. (If your cervix is ripe to begin with, she'll start with the Pitocin straightaway.)

Q3.

Are there any techniques for kickstarting labor that I can try myself?

There are no do-it-yourself techniques consistently proven to be both safe and effective so don't try anything without guidance from your caregiver. Here's the scoop on some of the methods you may have heard about:

• Sexual intercourse: Semen contains prostaglandins and having an orgasm may stimulate some contractions. A few studies have shown that having sex at term may decrease the need for labor induction, but others have shown it has no effect on promoting labor.
• Nipple stimulation: Stimulating your nipples releases oxytocin, and it may help start labor, but more research is needed to determine the safety and effectiveness of this method. Because it may overstimulate your uterus, your contractions and your baby's response to them would need to be monitored so don't try this at home.
• Castor oil is a strong laxative, and stimulating your bowels may cause some contractions. There's no definitive proof that it helps induce labor though plenty of women can attest to its unpleasant effects!
• Herbal remedies: A variety of herbs are touted as useful for labor induction. Some are risky because they can cause contractions that are too long or too strong and may be unsafe for your baby for other reasons as well. For others, the safety and effectiveness remain unknown.

This Week's Activity:

Kick back and relax. Rent some movies, read a novel, curl up with a stack of magazines or a new CD, sleep in or grab catnaps when you can.You're in the final stretch and you deserve some downtime! If you're go-go-go right up until delivery you'll be depleted by the time your baby arrives, says clinical psychologist Diane Sanford.