Rough night

  Last night was a particularly rough night.  I was up with Adam from 10:30 PM until 11:30 AM this morning.  I ended up getting an on and off 3 hours of sleep again.  When truly exhausted it was not safe to walk anymore.  I just sat and tended to him until I finally got him to nod off.  Eating every 1.5-2  hrs with diaper changes in between as he was alert and wanted to play otherwise.  There was no swing lullaby last night.  When I finally slept, I still had to get up to tend to him.

  Lack of sleep really messes with my memory and ability to function.  I cannot sit down and concentrate to read anything.  I slump while sitting.  I forget where I put something or did something.  I write notes of to-do, but I have done nothing on the list.  I am on a subsistence existence right now.  Eat, sleep, laundry, shower, and brush teeth.  I have no energy to exercise let alone go out into public.  I want to visit with people, but while sleep is so elusive, I cannot make it happen.  I think when Tony gets home, oh, I'll just lay down for an hour and get up to go out.  Then he lets me sleep and I sleep until Adam needs to eat.  Then we miss out on whatever function we were to attend.

  He has taken to rolling during diaper changes.  He loves tummy time and was on the move today.  He is on the verge, but I know it will still take time.  He is a seemingly restless sleeper who makes noises, raspberries, trumpeting and is moving his arms and legs squirming with his eyes closed.  He is not getting enough lipids in his diet and I am working on getting him more in his diet.  I now respond to his crying as a reflex.  He kicks off his blanket if he falls asleep in his swing and wakes up wanting attention.  He loves looking at paintings and mirrors.  He now engages us with is eyes.  He wakes up to Tony's voice, inconvenient if I just got him to sleep.  He stares at me when I eat, just studying what I am doing.  He responds to the hair dryer sound and listens to music while awake.  He loves to be held to sleep, but not so much when awake. He wants to play and have to freedom of movement rather than being held while awake.

  I woke from a dream and did not know where I was, what job I do, if I had a family let alone that I just had a baby.  I now lay down my head and once warm, in about 5 minutes, I am sleeping hard.  I now wake after 2-3 hours.  I do not sleep longer than that and I wake up on my own.  My internal clock is already accustomed to Adam's schedule.  I wish he let me sleep when he did.  He does not have to scream when he needs his diaper changed when sleeping every time.  He will just start fussing and I know if I do not reach him and change him while his eyes are closed in time, he will give me a full body awakening frantic scream.  It is best to be pre-emptive and try to read his cues than wait until he is fully awake.  Duty calls, gotta go.